CONNIKA

UNCHOSEN CHANGE - FINAL THOUGHT

 The pace of change will continue to increase and ambiguity about the future will be a constant companion for each of us.  We need to keep reminding ourselves that the most significant factor in whether individuals, businesses, industries, communities survive, let alone prosper, both now and in the future, is their capacity to deal effectively with change.  It is in our interests and in the interests of our families and businesses that we become adept at dealing with unchosen change in constructive ways.

"As an unexpected gust of wind comes under the faltering wings of a travel-weary bird to lift the tired creature to higher altitudes where it can soar and glide with new strength, so God, come with an invasion of unexpected and inspiring ideas into my mind to give me the new lift I need."

UNCHOSEN CHANGE - THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

 Things to think about as we move through the cycle - although caution has been made about making decisions at critical points within the unchosen change cycle, people are encourage to think about the following:

1.  What is really important to me?

2.  What personal paradigms or mind sets will help me to deal with this change in a constructive way and which of these will limit me?

3.  Who really are my allies and who are my competitors in this situation?  You may find they are not who you think they are.

4.  What skills, products, services do I have now which are useful?  What else do I need to develop?

5.  What is really unnecessary or unproductive in my life - attitudes, organizations, methods, roles - and how do I let them go?

As I emerge through the change cycle, these questions - which I have been pondering over time will become clearer to me.  The answers to them then will not be such a struggle as I have been reflecting for some time on them.

UNCHOSEN CHANGE - KEY POINTS

 Everyone goes through unchosen change at different paces and in different ways.  They can deal with different unchosen changes in their lives in significantly different ways.

However, if a person has to deal with (1) too many unchosen changes, or (2) unchosen change keeps hitting them before they have a chance to shift out of the negation or reaction stages, there can be serious problems associated with their quality of thinking, health and capacity to strategically and effectively deal with the implications of the changes.

It is recognized that understanding the change cycle is a critical first step to dealing effectively with change - be it chosen or unchosen.  We need to understand that we will undergo a series of stages - some of which may be quite uncomfortable.  But if we are sensible with ourselves and our reactions to others and external circumstances, then we will emerge through the cycle and can move on with our lives.

The change cycle warns us that at certain stages (eg in the self justification, negation and acceptances stages) it is not wise to make decisions as we are not very capable of making good decisions during these times.

Understanding the stages of change helps us (1) not to rush into making decisions which have not been well thought through, nor (2) be pushed by others into making decisions when we are perhaps not in the best state to do so.

We need to communicate, communicate, communicate with those who are close to us so that they will understand what we are going through too.

We also need to give ourselves permission to take time out to experience the feelings associated with each of the change stages.  Then we  can get into practical problems solving.

UNCHOSEN CHANGE - RESOLUTION

 Finally, moving through the predictable stages of responses to unchosen change, we come to the last stage - resolution.  This stage is all about preparedness to act.  Our thinking reflects this "Let's get on with it",  "Let's make this work".

This is an exciting time where the lethargy or anxiety of the past stages has mostly been left behind and we are keen to make the change work in constructive ways.

There is, however, something to be mindful of here and that is if we become too focussed on resolving this particular unchosen change, we may miss other things happening around us.  Some folk can become so obsessed with the new strategies they have developed that they don't realize that they have other aspects of their lives to deal with and other unchosen changes occurring too.

UNCHOSEN CHANGE - EXPLORATION

 The next stage is that of exploration.  Though it seems like it's taken forever, things start looking up a bit.  Here we look for alternatives and options.  Our interest is aroused and we start taking responsibility for resolving the situation.  It is easy to recognize movement into this stage.  Our thinking becomes more positive - "Where can I find out more information?", "What options are available?",  "I may have to figure this out as we go along!"

It is still possible to get "stuck" in this stage too.  It is easy to recognize someone "stuck" in this stage because they are "all over the shop" seeking options.  They don't get into sorting through these options and making quality decisions.

These "stages" may sound simplistic and reading them as Stage 1, 2, 3 etc. they may appear so, but, I know they are far from being simplistic.  They are extremely complex and only through in-depth study have these various stages been recognized.  Have you been through the terrible, terrible bushfires in Victoria recently, have you recently lost your job, have you lost all your life's savings as a result of the 'financial meltdown'?  Please recognize these stages as recognizable 'effects' of deep crisis experienced by many, many people. 

Tomorrow - Resolution.

UNCHOSEN CHANGE - ACCEPTANCE

 

From the Self Justification stage of Unchosen Change, studies have shown that we move into a stage called the Acceptance stage.  This is where we face the reality of the situation we find ourselves in.

In the early part of this stage, thoughts such as "I don't like the change, but I suppose I will have to put up with it" are encountered. Over time though, this stage, will begin shifting towards thinking, "I suppose I can give it a go", and then after a while "Maybe it's not as bad as I thought".

This is where we begin to realize that the old way of thinking or doing things isn't working well and we need to start doing some things differently.  Then we can move into constructive action.

Just as in the earlier stages, people can get "stuck" in this stage too.  Generally, a sign of being "stuck" is noticing that we are not moving into constructive action.  We act in a dependent way and feel that our efforts are not making any difference.  We will tend to look for a "rescuer" to help us rather than taking responsibility for ourselves.

Tomorrow - Exploration.

UNCHOSEN CHANGE - SELF JUSTIFICATION

    The Self Justification stage can really affect us in powerful ways.  In this stage, we can experience all sorts of strong feelings and often behave in very emotional (and somewhat irrational) ways - anger, resentment, depression, hurt...

Self justification is mostly associated with wanting to stick to the old ways of doing things and not wanting to change our behaviour from what we are used to and comfortable with.

Our thinking can revolve around "Why should I have to change?", "It's not my fault!  I don't deserve this!".  Using the example of a company that is restructuring, we may be very vocal about why the change won't work and try to justify why remaining in the old way of doing things, is the most logical thing to do.  Alternatively, we could "fester" and not say much but be very angry inside.  Our work will suffer and eventually, we will lash out or could perhaps even get sick from holding all the frustration inside.

Eventually, when we have expended our frustration, we will move on from these feelings.  Hopefully without having damaged our relationships or our credibility.

However, sometimes, people do get "stuck" and the consequences can be significant.  It is at this stage, that real problems can emerge.  It is natural to feel angry and consider ourselves victims.  This stage drags our energy down (and other peoples' as well).  It is not a pleasant time but it is an appropriate stage which must be lived through.

This is the worst stage in terms of quality of thinking.  It is not the stage to make significant decisions either for ourselves or for others.  Sadly, this is also the stage where scapegoating is common.  When enough people experiencing this stage get together, significant decisions can lead to terrible consequences.  Assassinations (actual or metaphorical), voting people or committees out, changing governments or "ethnic cleansing" are extreme examples of individuals, groups or nations "stuck" in the self justification stage.

Tomorrow, the Acceptance Stage.

UNCHOSEN CHANGE - STAGE 1 - NEGATION

  Late last year, I was given an article about Unchosen Change.  The article has been on my mind for some time now and I thought as the world is in such turmoil and many folk near to me are facing unchosen change, I would put up some of the key points in the article. 

The article is inspired by the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle and also influenced by the C-Tri Model of Change.

I'll put up some of the points over the coming days.

The stages associated with unchosen change such as business troubles caused by external factors, business partnership relationships breaking down, children in "trouble", children leaving home, spouse leaving, losing loved one, illness, and losing one's job are somewhat different from those associated with chosen change.  Because we don't choose this sort of change for ourselves, it is not as easy to recognize the stages nor to work through them.

However, understanding the process and recognizing stages is the beginning to really grasping the unchosen change and helping ourselves through it.

The first stage is NEGATION.  When unchosen change first "hits", we can enter into a state of negation.  It is the stage where we are shocked - so shocked that we may even publicly or privately deny that it has really happened.  Thinking goes something like - "What change", "This is not happening to me", "I don't believe this!", "It doesn't affect me.   I'll keep on doing what I've always done!", "It'll all blow over!  It's cyclic", "What I've always done in the past has worked, so if it ain't broke, don't fix it!"  We may even kid ourselves that we are not experiencing any kind of emotional discomfort when people raise the matter with us.

This is the stage when it is appropriate for us to retreat into ourselves for a time.  During this time, we follow the old ways of doing things, rather than following the new vision.  Initially it is OK to say that nothing much has changed.  We will tend to act like we have always acted before the change occurred.  This is a very natural emotional response to unchosen change and in the short term, it is natural and probably appropriate.

Unhappily, some people can get "stuck" in this stage.  For whatever reasons - fear usually - it is easier to avoid than to face moving forward through the change cycle. 

There are serious consequences of staying in the Negation stage too long.  While we deny that nothing is changing, we will miss the opportunities which emerge from the situation as well as ensuring economic or personal stagnation for ourselves, family or business/industry/community.  There could also be health consequences for us as well.  People who do not deal with unchosen change can end up with psychosomatic illnesses with painful consequences.

For most people however, after some time of being in the Negation stage, they will realize that their actions are no longer suitable or effective.  So they move into the next natural stage.